The Pitmaster’s Dilemma
The alarm failed to ring, it’s a quarter past eight!
And our dear poor pitmaster was dreadfully late.
We are way behind schedule, we are way past dawn.
The wood must be fired, the hog must go on!
Well the pig has been load, the coals have been lit,
the smell of pork smoke surrounds me as I felt free to sit.
Dear Lord what happened? How could this happen to me?
I lit up my cigar and sipped from a brew. It then became all clear! I was beginning to see!
A poetry reading my wife told me! It would be fun and a date!
If you keep ignoring me for BBQ, we’re getting divorced at this rate.
So I put on a tie and shined up my shoes. Ready for readings on floral and fawn.
I prayed the good Lord to kill me as I fought off a yawn.
There were readings on zen and faith and overcoming our fears
If the reader’s bosom weren’t so huge, poems would have bored me to tears.
Then PETA came up and plead the rights of chickens! So passionate So bold!
Oh dear Jesus that was so boring, it knocked me out cold.
It’s not that I hate poetry. I love it I do!
No I’m not joking, I swear that it’s true.
Well my pig is done smoking and we’re ready to eat.
Glad my friends aren’t vegan cuz there’s a whole crapload of meat.
We chop and season and mix up our hog
A couple brought a salad! Which we fed to the dog.
The beer flows freely, the air thick with song and play
Disaster averted, the pitmaster saved the day.
So the morale of the story O reader, write this down too!
Avoid all poetry readings, they’re dangerous for you.
The Arrogant Swine 