Do you have a BBQ fanatic friend? Someone with basically every BBQ toy known to man? They got more than one smoker, they got 20 different rubs, another 40 different sauces, all times of probes, injectors etc. Those “grilling” gift-sets are lame and will bring only shame and mockery to your pitmaster. DON’T DO IT!!!
As we head into Black Friday after thanksgiving here are my tips for making your favorite pitmaster’s holiday that much more merry.
1. A Small Chainsaw
Wood is pricey and if you always have stray fallen branches and trees available to fuel the hungry pit. As the wise old saying, give a man a cord of wood and he’ll cook for a summer, give him a chainsaw and he’ll BBQ all year or something to that effect.
2. A Fire Pit
As the temperatures dip, your favorite pit master might not be as inclined to sit outside as they tend a fire. We call those guys sissies. Preserve your BBQ guy’s dignity and extend his time outdoors with a nice fire pit. Incidentally, the link I posted above is for Bubba Grills. You won’t see a fire pit for sale on the site but call the number and mention that Tyson sent you for a discount. Lonnie makes the best fire pits in the business.
3. A Box of Cigars
Have you ever heard of anyone complaining that they got too much gas for their car? Me neither, same goes with cigars. The best pitmasters in the world need their pits tended to all night, and there’s no greater companion than a nice smoke. There really isn’t a bad box of cigars. Just go into any cigar shop and tell them you want a box. Just so long as your cigar brand isn’t sold at a drug store you’ll do just fine.
4. A Mini- flame thrower
I would wax long about why your favorite pitmaster needs a mini flame thrower but seems unnecessary. It’s farking FLAMETHROWER!!! It’s awesomeness should sell itself. Alright if you FEEL you need a justification, it lights logs and charcoal like a charm.
5. Several Sacks of Charcoal
It might seem as exciting as giving someone tube socks for Xmas – pragmatic but unsexy, But be not fool, there really isn’t anything sexier than showing up with 100lbs of charcoal.
6. Plane ticket to Austin, Winston Salem, Memphis or Kansas City
There really is nothing that will enhance BBQ knowledge than travel. Give your favorite BBQ buddy a BBQ road trip.
I LOVE buying hundreds of pounds of meat at a shot. My butcher hooks me up with great prices because I do buy in such volume. Your friend might not be as crazy but still want to get whole sale prices. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. They buy more meat, more meat = more bbq for all. Better known as the carnivore’s virtuous circle.
Let’s be honest, BBQ is not very hard work. I know I’ll get some flack about this as there’s plenty of people who will tell me about the smoke and the heat etc. But honestly most of the time you’re just sitting around. Hence why we love to BBQ so much. If you’re gonna sit around you might as well have a nice chair.
The Cimeter and the 4 inch paring knife are my favorite knives. The only BBQ guy I know that uses the Cimeter extensively is Chris Lilly, which really just speaks for itself. He chops his BBQ with the knife in a pirate swash buckling fashion. I prefer my cleaver but the advantage to having the Cimeter is that it acts both as a superior butchery knife – for you to trim your meat – AND useful for chopping. Thus you only need to carry one knife instead of a butcher knife and a chopping knife. Smart man that Chris Lilly. Not sure if your pitmaster buddy already has a knife, have no fear! You can never have too many knives.
10. Combat Sports Membership
HUH??? Let’s face it. As a whole us BBQ guys are just as chunky as the hogs we cook. Definitely no one would look at us and mistaken us for vegans. Going to the gym doesn’t really work for most people because it’s a fairly dull enterprise. I encourage people to give combat sports – Boxing, Kickboxing, Brazilian Jiujitsu, Judo etc a try. It’s a great work out and it’s definitely not boring. Exercise is a great stress reliever and an intrical part of a balanced lifestyle. Do your favorite BBQ guy a favor and sign him up for some classes.